


DANK DEATH EATER GROUP CHAT™

by just_ur_god



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: A cute little shit tho, BAMF Severus Snape, Barty just wants to sleep, Bella is trying her best, Chatting & Messaging, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Its not to be taken seriously, M/M, Narcissa is a great mom, Not So Evil Voldemort, Not really following canon, Other, Regulus is a meme god, Severus and Lucius are friendship goals, Severus is done with your shit, They're all OOC, This is crack, WE'RE JUST GONNA CASUALLY BULLY LUCIUS, don't mind us, let him sleep, please, regulus is a little shit, so is Sirius
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-15 08:27:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14786966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_ur_god/pseuds/just_ur_god
Summary: Regulus has just become a Death Eater.Next he knows, he gets added to the Death Eater group chat.Will he be able to handle the hilarity?





	1. The Initiation™

**Author's Note:**

> They're OOC. I'm not following the canon story. This is crack. It's set in 2018. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> I got this from watching "The Dark Lord Wears Prada" by NyxRising Industries.  
> If you have time please check it out, it's hilarious and makes me laugh.
> 
>  
> 
> \-------Usernames---------  
> Regulus=ReggieTheVeggie  
> Voldemort=THE_DARK_LORD  
> Severus=I'm.done  
> Bellatrix=torturing.makes.me.happy  
> Lucius=AlbinoPeacock  
> Fenrir=WalkMePlz  
> Rodolphus=LongHaired_TWIN  
> Rabastan=ShortHaired_TWIN  
> Narcissa=same.sev  
> Barty=BartyTheParty  
> Sirius=BrighterThanYou  
> Remus=padfootNO

**ReggieTheVeggie** has been added to  **main death eater gc**.

 

**ReggieTheVeggie:**????,???

**ReggieTheVeggie:** is this the last part of The Initiation™ y'all were talking about

**THE_DARK_LORD:** Welcome, Regulus.

**THE_DARK_LORD:** Death Eaters, introduce yourselves.

**torturing.makes.me.happy:** hey smol cousin

**torturing.makes.me.happy:** it's me ya boi

**torturing.makes.me.happy:** bellatrix

**same.sev:** Hello Regulus, it's Narcissa.

**AlbinoPeacock:** Lucius

**I'm.done:** severus

**WalkMePlz:** Fenrir Greyback here

**LongHaired_TWIN:** Rodolphus Lestrange 

**ShortHaired_TWIN:** Rabastan Lestrange 

**ReggieTheVeggie:** hello everyone :)

**THE_DARK_LORD:** now that that's out of the way what should we do now?

**AlbinoPeacock:** How 'bout we go to sleep.

**AlbinoPeacock:** It's late.

**THE_DARK_LORD:** SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH LUCIUS 

**I'm.done:** i have an idea

**THE_DARK_LORD:** the floor is yours

**I'm.done:** how bout we go to sleep 

**THE_DARK_LORD:** brilliant idea severus 

**AlbinoPeacock:** FdrhhjfjbfnjchdhjdvHXUXHDB

**THE_DARK_LORD:** we shall get on to it right away

**THE_DARK_LORD:** MINIONS SLEEP

**ReggieTheVeggie:** I'll try I guess 

**same.sev:** what do you mean "I'll try I guess"

**ReggieTheVeggie:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**same.sev:** I will get Siri, young man.

**ReggieTheVeggie:** nooooo

**ReggieTheVeggie:** i

**ReggieTheVeggie:** I just kinda have insomnia some times

**ReggieTheVeggie:** and i t just keeps me up

**ReggieTheVeggie:** okay

**ReggieTheVeggie:** sorry

**I'm.done:** there's nothing to be sorry for

**I'm.done:** insomnia is problem everyone has time to time

**I'm.done:** just try to get some shut eye

**ReggieTheVeggie:** okay sev

**ReggieTheVeggie:** ...

**ReggieTheVeggie:** thanks

 


	2. JUST FAM?!?!? + hair troubles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sev and Luci are back at it again.  
> Rodolphus has a serious question, m'kay?  
> All Reg wanted was to change the gc name because it was boring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \-------Usernames---------  
> Regulus=ReggieTheVeggie  
> Voldemort=THE_DARK_LORD  
> Severus=I'm.done  
> Bellatrix=torturing.makes.me.happy  
> Lucius=AlbinoPeacock  
> Fenrir=WalkMePlz  
> Rodolphus=LongHaired_TWIN  
> Rabastan=ShortHaired_TWIN  
> Narcissa=same.sev  
> Barty=BartyTheParty  
> Sirius=BrighterThanYou  
> Remus=padfootNO  
> Amycus=fitsofgiggles

 

**death eater gc**

~~~~~~~~~~

 

**ReggieTheVeggie:** the gc name is soooooo boring 

 

**ReggieTheVeggie** has changed the group chat name to  **DANK DEATH EATER GROUP CHAT™**.

 

**torturing.makes.me.happy:** ayyyyyyyyyyy

**I'm.done:** lucius were through

**I'm.done:** i thought u were bae

**I'm.done:** turns out ur just fam

**AlbinoPeacock:** ;((((((((((

**AlbinoPeacock:** y bro?

**I'm.done:** I finally realized that ur having a child

**I'm.done:** and not once did u bring up godfather

**AlbinoPeacock:**...

**AlbinoPeacock:** bruh

**AlbinoPeacock:** who else is rhere 

**AlbinoPeacock:** besides you

**AlbinoPeacock:** to be godfather???

**same.sev:** ohhhh its gettin good

**same sev:** *eats popcorn*

**ReggieTheVeggie:** *steals some*

**ReggieTheVeggie:** y don't u 2 make out already 

**same.sev:** ^^^^

**same.sev:** yeah 

**AlbinoPeacock:** _???_

**AlbinoPeacock:** I have a wife 

**AlbinoPeacock:** who is carrying a child

**I'm.done:** Do I mean nothing to you?

**AlbinoPeacock:** oh wizarding god

**AlbinoPeacock:** I am confusion

**torturing.makes.me.happy:** lol

**THE_DARK_LORD:** ^

**WalkMePlz:** ^^

**ReggieTheVeggie:** ^^^

**LongHaired_TWIN:** on a whole different note

**ShortHaired_TWIN:** should he cut his hair

**LongHaired_TWIN:** so we look similar 

**ShortHaired_TWIN:** again?

**THE_DARK_LORD:** no

**THE_DARK_LORD:** there would be 

**THE_DARK_LORD:** TOO MUCH GODDAMN 

**THE_DARK_LORD:** CONFUSION™

**torturing.makes.me.happy:** I don't even know which one of you is my husband

**LongHaired_TWIN:**...

**torturing.makes.me.happy:** jk  ;P

**torturing.makes.me.happy:** luv u RoRo

**torturing.makes.me.happy:** <3

**LongHaired_TWIN:** :)))   <3 <3 <3

**I'm.done:** I think he should cut it

**I'm.done:** long hair is me + luci's thang

**AlbinoPeacock:** ^^

**ReggieTheVeggie:** excuse me

**same.sev:** I think we need an outside opinion 

 

**same.sev** has added  **fitsofgiggles**.

 

**fitsofgiggles:** wut?

**same.sev:** read up

**fitsofgiggles:** oh

**fitsofgiggles:** _LOL_

**fitsofgiggles:**  its a no from me

 

**fitsifgiggles** has left  **DANK DEATH EATER GROUP CHAT™**.

 

**LongHaired_TWIN:** guess I'm not cutting it

**ShortHaired_TWIN:** it's okay bro

**ShortHaired_TWIN:** 2 short haired twins

**LongHaired_TWIN:** is too much confusion?

**ShortHaired_TWIN:** yup

**WalkMePlz:** now 

**WalkMePlz:** _Bas_

**WalkMePlz:**  about that walk :))))))

**ShortHaired_TWIN:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luci and Sev are basically my friends and I.
> 
> Comments are appreciated! >;^)


	3. Prepare for Trouble + make it double

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AlbinoPeacock: Prepare for Trouble   
> I'm.done: and make it double

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \-------Usernames---------  
> Regulus=ReggieTheVeggie  
> Voldemort=THE_DARK_LORD  
> Severus=I'm.done  
> Bellatrix=torturing.makes.me.happy  
> Lucius=AlbinoPeacock  
> Fenrir=WalkMePlz  
> Rodolphus=LongHaired_TWIN  
> Rabastan=ShortHaired_TWIN  
> Narcissa=same.sev  
> Barty=BartyTheParty  
> Sirius=BrighterThanYou  
> Remus=padfootNO  
> Corban=yyyaxleyyy  
> Nagini=hisshissbish

**DANK DEATH EATER GROUP CHAT™**

**[2:55 A.M.]**

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

 

 

**AlbinoPeacock:** **** **** **********__**__Prepare for Trouble

**I'm.done:** and make it double 

**AlbinoPeacock:** To Protect the World from Devastation

**I'm.done:** to unite all wizards within our nation

**AlbinoPeacock:** To Denounce the Evils of Truth and Love

**I'm.done:** to extend our reach to the stars above

**AlbinoPeacock:** Luci!

**I'm.done:** and sev.

**AlbinoPeacock:** Death Eaters, Blast Off At The Speed Of Light!

**I'm.done:** surrender now, or prepare to fight.

**hisshissbish:** Hyasssss Shaasssa

**ReggieTheVeggie:**...

**same.sev:** ya'll are sooo gay

**ReggieTheVeggie:** ^yeah but

**ReggieTheVeggie:** who invited the snake??!?!

**yyyaxleyyy:** me

**ReggieTheVeggie:** okay but

**ReggieTheVeggie:** who invited you?

**yyyaxleyyy:** I've been here

**yyyaxleyyy:** I just haven't said anything 

**THE_DARK_LORD:** WTF NO ONE CARES

**THE_DARK_LORD:** ITS 3 A.M.

**THE_DARK_LORD:** STFU!!!!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead yet   
> I've just been busy  
> Sorry ಥ_ಥ

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are appreciated  
> I need some criticism or appreciation


End file.
